Leading Through the Hardest Decisions: When Love and Leadership Collide

No one tells you this when you step into leadership: It will break your heart. I didn’t hear it, not until I lived it.

I found myself sitting with one of the hardest decisions I had ever faced. It wasn’t about a personal conflict, failure, or frustration. It was about sustainability — the kind of weight that leadership demands when you realize that what’s best for the mission doesn’t always align with what feels good. Even knowing what had to be done, the heaviness settled in my chest like a stone.

The Leadership Dilemma: When Heart and Head Collide

For years, I co-led an organization born from love, passion, and fierce commitment. We built it with heart, with sweat, with vision. And standing beside me from the beginning was a dear friend who shared that same fire.

But leadership isn’t just about passion. It’s about performance. It’s about ensuring that what you built can stand the test of time. And sometimes, that means facing the hardest truth of all: the people you love most might not be the ones to carry the work forward.

Capacity matters. Heart is not always enough.

I had known for a while things weren’t working. Responsibilities were slipping. Trust in leadership wavered. I saw it, felt it—and yet, I delayed. Not because I was blind to the problem, but because fear held me back:

• Fear of hurting someone I cared about.

• Fear of what people would say.

• Fear of making the wrong call.

But here’s what I know now: Avoiding a hard decision doesn’t make it less necessary. It makes it heavier. The longer you carry it, the more it drains you.

The Weight of Responsibility

I remember staring down the reality: Four months. That’s all the funding we had left. Four months to make sure the right people were in place to sustain what we had worked so hard to build. There was no room for delay.

Yes, I wanted to extend grace. Yes, I wanted to make space for growth. But grace can’t come at the cost of sustainability.

Leadership requires clarity, even when it’s uncomfortable. Especially when it’s uncomfortable.

And the hardest part? This was never about her worth. She mattered. Her contributions mattered. But the role wasn’t being fulfilled in a way that moved us forward—and the mission had to come first.

So I prepared for a conversation I never wanted to have. One that honored what she had given, while making room for what was necessary.

Leadership is knowing how to separate who someone is from what the work requires.

What Leadership Taught Me About Hard Decisions

There are lessons leadership teaches you that no book, no training, no mentor can fully prepare you for:

• Delaying a hard decision does not make it less necessary—it just makes it more painful.

• Leadership means prioritizing sustainability over personal comfort.

• You can love someone deeply and still know they are not right for a role.

• People will have opinions, but they do not carry the weight of responsibility that leadership requires.

• Integrity in leadership means doing what is best for the whole, not just the individual

To the Leaders Carrying This Weight

If you find yourself wrestling with a decision that feels impossible, I see you. I know the sleepless nights, the second-guessing, the ache in your chest.

But let me remind you: You weren’t called to lead because it’s easy. You were called because you are capable.

Capable of making the hard calls. Capable of holding both compassion and clarity. Capable of ensuring the vision survives, even when it requires heartbreak.

Today, I hold close this truth: I did not fail her. I honored the organization and its future.

And if you are standing in that same place, weighing that same decision, hear this: Leadership isn’t about being liked. It’s about being responsible. And in that responsibility lies the strength to do what must be done.

You are not alone in this journey. Breathe. Decide. Lead.

You got this! Let’s go, sis. 💜🔥

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